You and I both know that the word meditation gets thrown around like confetti at a wellness convention. Supposedly everyone and their mom is doing it! I'm talking about your yoga teacher, your therapist, your HR department during “Mindful Mondays.” But if you’ve ever sat cross-legged, closed your eyes, and immediately started replaying your most embarrassing middle-school memories, deciding what to have for lunch, and if so, DoorDash or Uber Eats...you’ve probably wondered amongst all of that. "What the actual hell is meditation supposed to do for me?"

The Myth: Meditation Makes You Calm

Social media told you meditation would make you peaceful. That you’d wake up one day floating two inches off the ground, sipping matcha in silence, radiating good vibes and smelling like eucalyptus.

Reality check: nah, babe. Meditation doesn’t make you calm. It just helps you stop spirling out every time life acts up. However, meditation is not about reaching Zen (because shit, I can't even get there); But it’s about not cussing out the universe when your Wi-Fi cuts during your spiritual awakening.

Meditation doesn’t delete your stress. It just gives you front-row seats to your own chaos, popcorn included. You’re still watching the same messy show, but now you’re the one saying, “Hmm, interesting character development,” instead of throwing the remote.

That’s the shift: you stop reacting, stop spiraling, and start side-eyeing your own drama like, “Betch, is this really worth my peace?”

Because half the time, it’s not enlightenment you need. Sometimes its a big ass deep breath, a glass of water, and a reminder that not every thought deserves a TED Talk in your head.

The Science Bit (Without the Boring Charts)

Alright, so here’s what’s actually happening when you’re sitting there “doing nothing” — looking like a peaceful monk but secretly wondering if you left the stove on.

• Your prefrontal cortex — a.k.a. the CEO of “Let’s make better choices” — finally clocks in. It starts regulating your panic button, meaning fewer mental spirals every time you get a “we need to talk” text. Growth!

• Your amygdala — that tiny drama queen responsible for your fight-or-flight reactions — finally takes a seat. Suddenly, it’s not “everyone hates me,” it’s “maybe they just… didn’t see my message.” Look at you, emotionally evolved.

• Your nervous system shifts from oh-my-god-we’re-gonna-die mode to maybe-I’ll-take-a-nap mode. It’s the biological version of telling your brain, “Shh, we’re safe, chill out.”

  
  

Basically, meditation is like putting your mind on Do Not Disturb — except instead of ignoring people, you’re ignoring your own chaos.

The Real Purpose: Awareness, Not Escape

Meditation isn’t about floating away from reality. It’s about facing it without flinching. It’s you sitting there like, “Yup, my anxiety is doing the cha-cha again,” and instead of joining the dance, you’re just watching like a judge on So You Think You Can Spiral?

Meditation is not a getaway car. It’s a mirror. You’re not running from your mess. You’re learning to sit next to it like, “Hey bestie, I see you… but you’re not driving today.”

Think of your thoughts like TikToks. Some funny. Some unhinged. Some that make you question your life choices. But none of them need a duet. You just scroll past. No engagement, no comments, no spiral.

You’re not trying to “clear your mind.” You’re training it not to chase every dumb thought that wanders in. Because peace isn’t silence. It’s being unbothered while the noise keeps talking.

The Side Effects They Don’t Tell You About

Nobody warns you that meditation comes with side effects. Not the cute, enlightened kind either. The real kind that make you go, “Oh… so this is what my brain sounds like when it’s unsupervised.”

• You’ll realize how loud your mind actually is. The first few sessions feel like being trapped in a group chat with your own inner critic. Every insecurity, memory, and cringe moment from 2014 suddenly wants to speak. You’ll sit there thinking, “Wow… I really argue with myself this much?” Spoiler: yes, you do.

• You’ll get bored. And that’s the point. Boredom is where the magic sneaks in. When you stop needing constant stimulation, you start noticing the tiny space between what happens and how you react. That space is peace. It’s small, quiet, and hard to find, but once you do, you’ll protect it like your last slice of pizza.

• You’ll start catching your patterns. The more you sit with yourself, the more you’ll notice the chaos you’ve been running on autopilot. “Oh wow, I catastrophize everything before breakfast.” “Oh, there I go, assuming the worst again.” Awareness is step one to not doing that anymore. Because once you see the mess, you can’t unsee it — and that’s where real change begins.

Meditation isn’t just about finding calm. It’s about finally meeting the voice in your head, giving her a name, and learning when to tell her to pipe down.

How to Actually Do It (Without Turning It Into a Chore)

Let’s be honest. Meditation sounds cute until you’re sitting there wondering if you’re doing it wrong. You’re not. You’re just overthinking peace again.

1. Set a timer. Even three minutes counts. You don’t have to sit on a mountaintop or light 47 candles. Just you, a timer, and the decision to stop scrolling for a second. Three minutes of presence is still more than zero minutes of chaos.

2. Focus on something simple. Your breath. A candle flame. The hum of your air conditioner. Even your chill Spotify playlist if silence makes you itchy. Meditation isn’t about shutting out the world. It’s about tuning in while it’s still spinning.

3. When your mind wanders, notice and come back. That’s it. No guilt, no “I suck at this,” no dramatic exit. The moment you notice your thoughts ran off and you call them back is the rep. That’s the workout. That’s the progress.

4. Repeat tomorrow. Consistency is louder than perfection. You don’t have to “find yourself” in one session. Just show up. A little bit every day. Because the truth is, meditation doesn’t work when it’s perfect. It works when it’s practiced.

Think of it like emotional hygiene. You brush your teeth even when you don’t feel like it. Same vibe here. You’re just brushing your brain.

The Point Isn’t Bliss. It’s Bandwidth

Meditation isn’t about floating through life smiling like a Buddha on melatonin. It’s not about pretending nothing bothers you. It’s about building enough emotional bandwidth to handle what does.

Meditation won’t make life easier. It makes you easier to live with. You start catching yourself right before your brain drags you into another meltdown. You notice the storm forming and say, “Nah, not today, brain. We’ve been through this episode already.”

You still get mad. You still get sad. You still have days where your anxiety is doing laps around your nervous system. The difference is you stop drowning in it. You learn to sit at the shore, watch the waves crash, and remember that you’re not the ocean—you’re the one watching it.

Think of it like emotional Wi-Fi. Meditation strengthens your signal between what happens and how you respond. The stronger the connection, the less lag between the chaos and your choice to handle it differently.

That’s the real flex. Not silence. Not bliss. Just having enough bandwidth to live your messy human life without buffering every five minutes.

Your Moment of Clarity...Betch

If sitting in silence feels weird, that’s because it is. Nobody tells you how unnatural it feels to stop moving, stop scrolling, and just sit there with yourself. It’s awkward. It’s uncomfortable. It’s like meeting your own mind for the first time and realizing she’s... kind of loud.

But here’s the truth: that discomfort is the doorway. Somewhere between the fidgeting, the overthinking, and the deep breaths, you start to see what’s actually going on in there. You start to realize you’re not your thoughts. You’re the one watching them scroll by like TikToks that don’t all deserve your attention.

You’ll notice the noise, but you’ll also start noticing the space between the noise. That’s where the peace hides. Not in the incense. Not in the perfect posture. Not even in the playlist.

The real work of meditation is remembering that you’re the watcher, not the storm. And once you learn that, you stop needing to “clear your mind.” You just learn how to live inside it without getting lost.

That’s the point. Not perfection. Not enlightenment. Just presence.